These are essential aspects of building social relationships and contributing to the world. The study further demonstrates how having strong bonds with others encourages and supports a person’s quality of life. Start fresh by providing the type of assistance that encourages them to accept responsibility for their actions and make better choices. On that note, I know you’ll enjoy reading 11 Steps to Stop Caring So Much. It’s a great piece about distancing yourself from things you can’t, and maybe shouldn’t, control.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Trying to help someone stuck in destructive patterns can be exhausting, so find ways to take care of your own well-being. You are lending a hand to help someone accomplish something they would struggle to do on their own. It’s essential to note the difference so you can empower and not enable.

The key difference between helping and enabling someone is that helping supports positive change, while enabling mitigates the consequences of negative behavior without addressing the underlying issue. Often, soliciting professional help is instrumental in addressing codependent relationship and enabling behaviors. Therapists can help individuals identify enabling behaviors and learn methods to support loved ones constructively. Cognitive behavioral therapy and engagement in support groups such as Co-Dependents Anonymous or Al-Anon provide specialized approaches to tackle and surmount codependent and enabling behaviors. Codependent traits and enabling behaviors can be fostered by a history of neglect or abuse, dismissive parenting, or exposure to caregivers with personality disorders.

• In this case, it would be more helpful to talk to them about their drinking problem and offer support in getting help from a professional treatment program.
• Terry Hurley is a retired educational professional and freelance writer with more than fifty years of experience.
• When coordinating activities, an enabling environment ensures everyone is fully supported to work together effectively and efficiently.
• I’m not saying don’t help them, but they should first turn to God and ask for His divine intervention.
• These actions empower the individual to think about their actions and the effect they have on others.

Talk to them about their negative habits when they’re sober and in a good state of mind instead of sweeping the issues under the rug. Be supportive while being clear about your boundaries and expectations. Setting clear boundaries has to be your first step when addressing enabling behavior. You should inform your loved one about what kind of behavior you’ll no longer tolerate and be consistent in enforcing those boundaries. Helping loved ones is for more than just the benefit of those receiving aid. Overwhelming evidence suggests assisting others is a great way to help.

They can then guide you through the process of replacing enabling behaviors with more positive methods of support while, simultaneously, helping you build the resilience and patience necessary to do so. The defining distinction between enabling and helping is found in their respective outcomes. Enabling often results in perpetuating the status quo, whereas helping promotes long-term improvement and empowerment. Recognizing this distinction paves the way to halt enabling behavior and initiate the promotion of positive change. Traditionally, families have been advised to wait for the individual to hit “rock bottom” before seeking treatment for substance use disorders.

Health

It’s difficult for someone to start helping themselves if they’re being kept unaware of the consequences of their actions. Helping can be beneficial and necessary, but it is important to be aware of the line between helping and enabling. Knowing when to provide assistance and when to step back can help ensure that you are providing the best support and resources for the person in need. If you want to help someone who is struggling with addiction, it is important to make sure that you are not enabling their behavior. Enabling means that you are doing something that allows the person to continue using without facing the consequences of their actions. For example, if you consistently bail them out of jail or pay for their drugs, you are enabling their addiction.

Early Intervention for Recovery

You may justify doing her assignment by saying you’re helping her get a good grade. The truth of the matter is, doing your child’s homework whenever she doesn’t, may affect her academic performance. You’re participating in his irresponsible habits when you willingly tell untruths to protect him from the consequences. Some people choose to ignore the poor behavior of others in order to keep the peace. I’ve done this when dealing with people who are defensive or likely to shift the blame to me. I knew it would only lead to an argument since I’m not afraid to stand up for myself.

How To Support Someone Without Enabling Them, From A Therapist

• They can be extremely beneficial in learning how to find a balance between helping and enabling behaviors.
• Often, soliciting professional help is instrumental in addressing codependent relationship and enabling behaviors.
• Enabling can be both positive and negative, depending on the circumstances and the outcome of the behavior.
• In contrast, helping someone can empower them to be independent and take ownership of their lives.
• Enabling behaviors ultimately perpetuate the problem by protecting or safeguarding a person against experiencing the full consequences of their actions.

Basically, supporting is helpful and involves healthy boundaries, personal growth and the development of good coping mechanisms, while enabling is harmful and limiting and perpetuates problematic actions. While you may feel responsible for the situation a child or partner finds themselves in, you owe it to your loved one and yourself to avoid engaging in enabling behaviors. You may struggle in the beginning to transition from being an enabler or caretaker.

You may even find yourself struggling with the desire to control their behaviors. The pattern is seen in close relationships where one individual supports a difference between helping and enabling problematic or harmful behavior of another. Since the person is receiving help instead of being held accountable or facing consequences, they will continue their destructive behavior.

That might include things like continuing to enable their drug use by giving them money or a place to stay. Instead, helping involves setting clear boundaries and expectations while still offering love and support. Understanding the difference between enabling and helping is crucial in fostering healthier relationships. While enabling behaviors may stem from a place of love and concern, they inadvertently perpetuate negative behaviors and hinder personal growth. Conversely, helping behaviors promote self-reliance, personal growth, and healthier relationship dynamics. On the other hand, enabling behaviors neglect one’s own needs and keep individuals in harmful cycles of behavior.

Your loved one will never understand this if you continue to make excuses for them. Downplaying your loved one’s substance abuse and ignoring their harmful behavior won’t make your loved one’s addiction disappear. In fact, diminishing the problem can actually prolong your loved one’s behavior. Ignoring the issue can also make your loved one think you accept their behavior. No matter how well your loved one seems to function, turning a blind eye to addiction will always enable the problem. It is also essential to educate yourself on addiction and the proper ways to support your loved one.

Expect to learn how to recognize signs of both, and ways to transform your well-intentioned support into empowering assistance. The first step in overcoming enabling behavior is acknowledging its presence. It can be difficult to recognize and accept that our actions may be enabling harmful behaviors in our loved ones. Helping is providing support in a healthy way, while enabling is providing support that unintentionally encourages or enables an unhealthy behavior. It’s important to understand this distinction so that you can provide the right kind of support for your loved one.

Real help and generosity lead to a feeling of being blessed, gratitude and fulfillment. Be completely honest about your own motives and judge your actions by the fruits of your feelings and you’ll be able to walk that balance between helping and enabling others. To harm someone means to cause physical, emotional or mental damage. Driving to Target at 9pm to help a child who usually does her homework, but who has been distracted this particular week because her grandmother has been in the hospital is one thing. Rescuing a child who constantly fails to plan teaches her to expect that someone will solve her problems, so she doesn’t have to do anything different.